A Life Less Ordinary

Robert: "Are you taking me to a hospital? Because I don't want to die in a hospital."
Celine: "I'm not going to take you to a hospital."
Robert: "WHAT? What do you mean you're not taking me to a hospital? I demand to be taken to a hospital!"

The Story

Robert is one of life's losers. He works as a janitor at a giant corporation but dreams of something...less ordinary...while he writes what he hopes will be the Great American Trash Novel. Beautiful and sharp-tounged Celine, on the other hand, has never wanted for anything in her short and pampered life as the daughter of Robert's boss, Naville. The grossest indignity she can imagine is having her credit card rejected. Like Robert, she's bored. Under normal circumstances these two souls would never cross paths. But in the great Police Squad in the sky, someone has other plans. Celestial cops O'Reilly and Jackson have just been handed the toughest assignment of their career: bring Robert and Celine together, even if bones have to be broken in the process. It is an impossible proposition, utterly unlikely that these two could ever meet face to face, much less fall in love... until Robert kidnaps Celine.

Cast

Ewan McGregor ............................... Robert Lewis
Cameron Diaz .................................. Celine Naville
Holly Hunter .............................................. O'Reilly
Delroy Lindo ............................................. Jackson
Dan Hedaya ................................................ Gabriel
Ian McNeice ............................................ Mayhew
Frank Kanig ...................................................... Ted
Mel Winkler ...................... Francis 'Frank' Naville
Stanley Tucci ................................... Elliot Zweikel
Anne Cullimore Decker ... Violet Eldred Gesteten
K.K. Dodds ....................................................... Lily
Tony Shalhoub ................................................... Al
Christopher Gorham ....................................... Walt
Ian Holm ....................................................... Naville

Celine: "If word got around that I had been liberated for half a million dollars, I could never show my face in polite society again. Diamonds have no value except that which is placed upon them."

Celine: "I'd like to make a withdrawal."
Robert: "I thought we agreed there'd be no cliches."

Celine: ""Kidnap For Beginners", Chapter One. Have you even asked for a ransom yet?"

Robert: "Right you asshole, I've got your daughter here, and I'm gonna send her back in pieces if... OH! I'm sorry, madam. No, I haven't got your daughter here, I've got someone else's. No, we're not married. Yes, I've read the same thing, it's very hard to find suitable young men these days. Well, I'm sure your daughter's very nice, in principle I've got no objection to meeting her...
[Celine hangs up the phone]
Robert: "What is the problem?"

Jackson: "What the hell did you do to her?"
Robert: "I punched her in the face."
Jackson: "Oh, you punched her in the face. She's half your size and you punch her in the face?"
Robert: "She had a gun!"
Jackson: "Oh, she had a gun! So that makes everything all right, does it?"
Robert: "No, I'm not saying it makes everything all right. I'm just trying to explain to you that for all I knew, she could have been a karate expert or something."
Jackson: "With a broken arm? WITH A BROKEN ARM?"
Robert: "O.K., I'm sorry."